Scottie's Week Two 2021 Power Rankings
Zeke Squad | 2-0W/L | 244PF
Week Two Points: 127.9
JOHN CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS. CRAMSEY, WHY DID YOU TRADE WITH JOHN?
| Name | Team | Depth |
|---|---|---|
| Patrick Mahomes | KC-QB | 1 |
| Ezekiel Elliott | DAL-RB | 1 |
| Zack Moss | BUF-RB | 1 |
| Courtland Sutton | DEN-WR | 1 |
| Marquise Brown | BAL-WR | 1 |
| Mark Andrews | BAL-TE | 1 |
| Tyler Lockett | SEA-WR | 1 |
| Diontae Johnson | PIT-WR | 1 |
| Pittsburgh Steelers | PIT-DEF |
Uncle Cral's Little Dogs | 1-1W/L | 222PF
[Pollard] might replace Robinson as my RB2.
Week Two Points: 129.9
I love Derrick Henry so much. Another Poop Dread 40-piece? I should have added a trigger warning for Mrak, who undoubtedly has vicious PTSD right now. This team is looking downright explosive like Outpost's cold brew before they realized they were serving concentrate. James Robinson is cheeks, but my goodness, this team is stacked. Nearly 130 points even with Darren Waller having a down week? I am shooketh.
| Name | Team | Depth |
|---|---|---|
| Jalen Hurts | PHI-QB | 1 |
| Derrick Henry | TEN-RB | 1 |
| James Robinson | JAX-RB | 1 |
| Marvin Jones | JAX-WR | 1 |
| Cooper Kupp | LAR-WR | 1 |
| Darren Waller | LV-TE | 1 |
| Keenan Allen | LAC-WR | 1 |
| Kenny Golladay | NYG-WR | 1 (Q) |
| Arizona Cardinals | ARI-DEF |
Moore Cowbell | 1-1W/L | 220PF
Week Two Points: 110.5
This feels weird. I usually write these power rankings from the top down. By the end of the list, I don't even look at numbers anymore. I merely reach for the low-hanging fruit or make poop jokes. Sometimes, I'll attack someone's character or greatest fears. That's why it's weird actually to take some time to look at K-Man's roster. Have I ever done that? Anyway, it's surprisingly good. The only flaw is this lame-ass team name when Ty'Son Chicken Nuggies is so much better. Or why not Scary Terry CherryBerry? I wish this team name was Moore good.
| Name | Team | Depth |
|---|---|---|
| Matthew Stafford | LAR-QB | 1 |
| David Montgomery | CHI-RB | 1 |
| Damien Harris | NE-RB | 1 |
| D.J. Moore | CAR-WR | 1 |
| Terry McLaurin | WAS-WR | 1 |
| Travis Kelce | KC-TE | 1 |
| Ty'Son Williams | BAL-RB | 2 |
| Ja'Marr Chase | CIN-WR | 1 |
| New Orleans Saints | NO-DEF |
Darrel and the Hendersons | 1-1W/L | 213PF
Week Two Points: 87.6
Well, Mitchell's 200 per point on Nyheim Hines.
It is well known that I'm a hater, so it's with great pleasure that I get to rip on this team. Let's get this straight: without Texas A&M legend Kyler Murray propping up this roster, this would have been a blowout of Joey Burrow versus OU proportions. In addition, Logz now has about as much money as Adrian Peterson after blowing his FAAB on a bigger dud than Spencer Rattler. That's four back-to-back-to-back-to-back OU jokes. Coincidentally, that's the number of Oklahoma's first-round playoff losses too.
| Name | Team | Depth |
|---|---|---|
| Kyler Murray | ARI-QB | 1 |
| Joe Mixon | CIN-RB | 1 |
| Darrell Henderson | LAR-RB | 1 |
| DeAndre Hopkins | ARI-WR | 1 |
| Laviska Shenault | JAX-WR | 1 |
| Tyler Higbee | LAR-TE | 1 |
| Elijah Mitchell | SF-RB | 5 |
| Sterling Shepard | NYG-WR | 1 |
| Los Angeles Rams | LAR-DEF |
All Gaskin No Breaks | 1-1W/L | 198PF
Week Two Points: 101.5
So far, my team has been consistent, which should be valued in these rankings. Just like I planned, Tom Brady, at age 44, is carrying my team. Johnathan Taylor worries me. Miles Gaskin inspires zero confidence as an RB2. AJ Brown had three measly catches on nine targets. Outside of these jokers, the rest of my roster looked surprisingly competent though about as boring as Callen's investment portfolio. Expect my team to go down in flames shortly.
| Name | Team | Depth |
|---|---|---|
| Tom Brady | TB-QB | 1 |
| Jonathan Taylor | IND-RB | 1 |
| Myles Gaskin | MIA-RB | 1 |
| A.J. Brown | TEN-WR | 1 |
| Stefon Diggs | BUF-WR | 1 |
| Noah Fant | DEN-TE | 1 (Q) |
| Chase Edmonds | ARI-RB | 1 |
| Justin Jefferson | MIN-WR | 1 |
| New England Patriots | NE-DEF |
All lilboys 3rd team RB | 0-2W/L | 214PF
Week Two Points: 105.8
At this point, we've mathematically proven that an auto-draft is significantly better than anything Trond has ever put together. You're welcome. Your data science skills are so bad that I think it's time to delete your University of Phoenix PDF diploma.
| Name | Team | Depth |
|---|---|---|
| Lamar Jackson | BAL-QB | 1 |
| Kareem Hunt | CLE-RB | 2 |
| Nyheim Hines | IND-RB | 2 |
| Davante Adams | GB-WR | 1 |
| Tyreek Hill | KC-WR | 1 |
| T.J. Hockenson | DET-TE | 1 |
| Julio Jones | TEN-WR | 1 |
| JuJu Smith-Schuster | PIT-WR | 1 |
| Carolina Panthers | CAR-DEF |
Fresh Prince of Helaire | 1-1W/L | 190PF
Week Two Points: 72.1
This team is Russell-ing my feathers. It's Miles away from looking good. Like Kenyan Drake, Cramsey looked like a Certified Loser Boy. After a Clyde Edwards-Hellacious performance this week, Chris has Antonio Clown-ed his way to the bottom half of the power rankings. I think his team will recover, but he's not out of the Robert Woods yet.
| Name | Team | Depth |
|---|---|---|
| Russell Wilson | SEA-QB | 1 |
| Kenyan Drake | LV-RB | 2 |
| Miles Sanders | PHI-RB | 1 |
| DK Metcalf | SEA-WR | 1 |
| Antonio Brown | TB-WR | 1 |
| Dallas Goedert | PHI-TE | 1 |
| Clyde Edwards-Helaire | KC-RB | 1 |
| Robert Woods | LAR-WR | 1 |
| Buffalo Bills | BUF-DEF |
God Wins Gunnin Runnin Nuns | 2-0W/L | 180PF
Week Two Points: 107.0
On the one hand, I want to hate on this team for being lucky as hell getting a dub with a C- performance last week. On the other hand, few things in the world bring me as much joy as Carlos taking an L. Overall, this team is about as bland as Denver's food scene. Is it actually okay, or do I have the munchies? Only time will tell.
| Name | Team | Depth |
|---|---|---|
| Aaron Rodgers | GB-QB | 1 |
| Chris Carson | SEA-RB | 1 |
| Najee Harris | PIT-RB | 1 |
| Chris Godwin | TB-WR | 1 |
| Allen Robinson | CHI-WR | 1 |
| Robert Tonyan | GB-TE | 1 |
| Melvin Gordon | DEN-RB | 1 |
| Jarvis Landry | CLE-WR | 1 |
| Denver Broncos | DEN-DEF |
Jordan '96 '97 | 1-1W/L | 178PF
Week Two Points: 61.8
Wow, this was a doo doo ass week for Tarv. While Johnathan Taylor blows ass as a first-round pick, I can at least take solace in the fact that I passed on Saquon like Saban passed on Texas in 2013. At this point, Barkley doesn't even have double-digit points on the season. Josh Allen looks mortal right now. Devonta Shit and Amari Pooper had abysmal weeks. Trey Sermon stonks are at an all-time low right now. Overall, this team is trending down. SAD!
| Name | Team | Depth |
|---|---|---|
| Josh Allen | BUF-QB | 1 |
| Saquon Barkley | NYG-RB | 1 (Q) |
| D'Andre Swift | DET-RB | 1 |
| Amari Cooper | DAL-WR | 1 |
| Calvin Ridley | ATL-WR | 1 |
| Logan Thomas | WAS-TE | 1 |
| DeVonta Smith | PHI-WR | 1 |
| Javonte Williams | DEN-RB | 2 |
| Washington Football Team | WAS-DEF |
Glizzy Guzzlers | 1-1W/L | 179PF
Week Two Points: 121.5
Callen is a real fantasy football phoenix rising from the ashes of a steaming pile of shit performance. Riding on the back of a dummy thicc Aaron Jones performance, he almost messed around got the $20. I'm keeping this team lower in the rankings for now, but I'm optimistic for the future. Kamara should turn it around quickly, but we'll have to see if Tay Tay or Singletary remain startable. I should have been paying more attention when Callen stockpiled his roster with all these RBs and a golf league-level A&M wide receiver bust. Adding Kirk to your bench but not starting him feels vaguely like when my high school prom date said she would go with me but backed out at the last minute.
| Name | Team | Depth |
|---|---|---|
| Ryan Tannehill | TEN-QB | 1 |
| Devin Singletary | BUF-RB | 2 |
| Alvin Kamara | NO-RB | 1 |
| Brandin Cooks | HOU-WR | 1 |
| CeeDee Lamb | DAL-WR | 1 |
| Jared Cook | LAC-TE | 1 |
| Austin Ekeler | LAC-RB | 1 (Q) |
| Aaron Jones | GB-RB | 1 |
| Tampa Bay Buccaneers | TB-DEF |
These rankings are trash | 0-2W/L | 171PF
Week Two Points: 95.4
These rankings are trash? Nah, bro. Your management skills are trash. A team with Christian McCaffery starting 0-2 makes about as much sense as starting Danny Areola in the year 2021. At least you got Gronk right this week. Still, this is the worst 0-2 start I have seen since Oklahoma in conference play last season. There's some good players here, so I have to talk my mess before Carlos figures it out.
| Name | Team | Depth |
|---|---|---|
| Justin Herbert | LAC-QB | 1 |
| Christian McCaffrey | CAR-RB | 1 |
| Antonio Gibson | WAS-RB | 1 |
| Mike Evans | TB-WR | 1 |
| Adam Thielen | MIN-WR | 1 |
| Rob Gronkowski | TB-TE | 1 |
| Mike Davis | ATL-RB | 1 |
| Danny Amendola | HOU-WR | 2 |
| Baltimore Ravens | BAL-DEF |
FEED ME 🥄 | 1-1W/L | 165PF
Week Two Points: 69.4
I don't know that I've ever had Mrak down here in the Trond spot before. I tried to find a bright spot on this roster outside of his RB1 and RB2. Was Brittle Kittle injured? Nah, he just sucked. Chase Claypoop didn't do shit outside of a 50+ yard explosive play. DeVante Parker was as disappointing as my dad not coming to my baseball games as a kid, but also, what did you expect when you started him? My dad didn't want to watch subpar play either. James Conner looks like he was on the wrong end of his breakup with Carl. I don't know, man. This doesn't look like Mrak's year.
| Name | Team | Depth |
|---|---|---|
| Dak Prescott | DAL-QB | 1 |
| Dalvin Cook | MIN-RB | 1 |
| Nick Chubb | CLE-RB | 1 |
| Chase Claypool | PIT-WR | 1 |
| DeVante Parker | MIA-WR | 1 |
| George Kittle | SF-TE | 1 |
| James Conner | ARI-RB | 2 |
| Tee Higgins | CIN-WR | 1 |
| Cleveland Browns | CLE-DEF |